Friendship is truly one of the greatest gifts in life. The Bible says:

• “One who has unreliable friendssoon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
• “A friendloves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
• “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9).

Friendship, one of the oldest parts of our culture and our humanity, is a very powerful meaningful relationship, that binds people together into a strong emotional bond. A lot of friendly people form bonds with their closest friends early in life, be it in high school, grade school, or pre-school. My oldest friendship is over four decades long and started when I entered high school. This underscores one of the most important core facts about friendship: real friends stick around and have a powerful impact on your life.

David and Jonathan

Of all the friendships in the Bible, that of David and Jonathan stands out the most to me. 1 Samuel 18 describes their friendship: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”

While this is the essence of friendship, to love another as you love yourself, three other elements—displayed love, loyalty, and emotional openness – are essential traits that psychologists deem necessary for friendships to thrive.

Jonathan sacrificed for David, stripping himself of the items which represented his power and position, and giving them to him. Jonathan was also unwaveringly loyal to David, warning him of King Saul, his own father’s treachery and desire to kill him. The two friends also shared a close emotional bond as well, and were unafraid of sharing their feelings: Jonathan wept when it became clear to him that David had to leave.

As the COVID-19 pandemic drags on for many of us, making and maintaining friendships has become even more important. Even if you’re quarantining or in isolation for a recent infection, it’s important that you find ways of reaching out to others, strengthening your sense of connection, and alleviating loneliness and isolation.

What are the benefits of friendships?

• Good friends are good for your health. They can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times.
• Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. They can also increase your sense of belonging and purpose; boost your happiness and reduce your stress; improve your self-confidence and self-worth; and help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
• Friends also play a significant role in promoting your overall health. Adults with strong social support have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression and high blood pressure.
• Studies have even found that older adults with a rich social life are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections.

What’s a healthy number of friends?

Quality counts more than quantity but I have heard that it is difficult to nourish and maintain more than ten friends at a time. While it’s good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you also want to nurture a few truly close friends who will be there for you through thick and thin.

Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like.

The most important quality in a friendship is the way the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on paper, how alike you seem on the surface, or what others think. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
• Am I myself around this person?
• Do I feel secure, or do I feel like I have to watch what I say and do?
• Is the person supportive and am I treated with respect?
• Is this a person I can trust?

The bottom line: if the friendship feels good, it is good, but if a person tries to control you, criticizes you, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted drama or negative influences into your life, it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship. A good friend does not require you to compromise your values, always agree with them, or disregard your own needs.

Why is it sometimes hard to make friends or maintain friendships?

Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide, however, makes the investment worthwhile. However, many adults (including me) find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as work or caring for children or aging parents. You and your friends may have grown apart due to changes in your lifestyles or interests. Or maybe you’ve moved to a new community and haven’t yet found a way to meet people.

How can I nurture my friendships?

Making a new friend is just the beginning of teh journey. Cultivating friendships takes time so you need to nurture that new connection. To do this consider the following useful steps:

Be the friend that you would like to have. Use the golden rule and treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.

Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen to and support friends just as you want them to listen to and support you.

Give your friend space. Don’t be too clingy, or needy, or try to monopolize your friend. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.

Don’t set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You are unique individuals so your friendship probably won’t develop exactly as you expect.

Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there’s a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond between you.