Most weeks, I teach the teen class in my church. I try my best to make things interesting and interactive. At times, they are chatty, ‘with it’ and engaged; at other times they are silent, distracted and disconnected giving the clear impression that they’d rather be elsewhere. These variable responses have caused me to wonder about moodiness in teenagers.

I’ve also pondered whether the challenge lies with me not being able to connect with them consistently. What if they are having difficulty connecting with adults like me?

If you have teens in your own family or in your life, how are you going to connect with them?
Here are a few tips I’ve picked up over time that could be helpful to you.

1. Make eye contact, greet them genuinely when you see them, and be pleasant to be around. Many teenagers have a strong desire to be noticed, acknowledged, and accepted. Make them feel valued.

2. Be interested in their lives but be confidential. If they trust you to share intimate details about their lives, resist the urge to share it with another adult they know or their parent(s), especially if they asked you not to do so. I know this can be challenging, especially if there could be some imminent danger but that’s your opportunity to exert some positive influence on the teen who is confiding in you.

3. Respect their privacy. Don’t tread where you are not wanted or into areas of their lives where it’s improper to do so. Many teens dislike their physical looks and can have unrealistic body expectations when they don’t measure up to some skinny magazine model. Some do not want to talk about their digital lives and habits, the apps they use and the games they play, pop culture, and politics.

4. Have clear, enforceable rules but be flexible if it’s the common-sense thing to do. The worst thing you can do is to act unreasonably. Allowing your teen an extra half an hour after curfew to finish seeing a movie doesn’t mean you’re a pushover. Lead by precept and example.

5. Be a dependable shoulder to lean on. The world is a pretty scary place for teens. You have navigated it before and could help them. Help them trust you by not making promises you know you would be difficult to keep. You’re human so, you’re not always right. Acknowledge those times.

6. Do not gossip with your teens or say negative things about someone they respect or should respect. Your score on their ‘respect meter’ will go down – way down.

7. Do not expect someone else’s teenage son or daughter to exhibit the same behaviours as yours. S/he isn’t your child, you haven’t been able to shape their childhood, and their genetic makeup is different, plain and simple.

8. Don’t be hypocritical. Be genuine. Teens like parents, teachers, religious leaders and community leaders who consistently exhibit good morals and values. They have little tolerance for adult hypocrisy, and some do learn from and mimic you. So, beware!

9. Welcome them into your home and treat your son(s)’s female friend(s) with the same dignity and respect that you would your own daughter and encourage your son(s) to do the same.

10. Raise your teenage son to be the kind of husband you would like your own daughter to have as a husband – the best. Teach them about the value of women and girls as seen through the eyes of our Creator God. In the Garden of Eden, He took a rib from the side of the man and formed woman, indicating that she was his equal and she should stand side by side with him.