Usually when spring arrives, those of us who live in temperate climes usually look forward with anticipation to warmer and warmer weather. This year has been different. The weather in Nova Scotia, usually temperamental has been more so. Morning temps are still in the low single digits. And who ever heard about frost in mid-June? Well, here we are and weather-wise, things are very different from the norm.

As I reflect on the variability and unpredictability of the weather, I wonder about how we cope when things are different from what we expect …when the natural rhythm of life is disturbed. We all experience significant change, emotional pain, sadness or adversity in our lives. A car accident writes off the car. We lose our only source of income when the breadwinner become terminally ill and dies. A child disappoints by dropping out of school or worse turns to self-soothing aided by illegal or prescription drugs. A close friend, who appears to have it all, throws in the towel and takes his or her life.

How do we show resilience in the face of personal disappointment and disaster? What is resilience anyway?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” In plain language, it’s about how well we “bounce back” in the face of adversity, change, tragedy or stress. It’s not a trait; it’s learned behavior which can be developed.
But how do we develop resilience? Many people react to life changing situations with a flood of emotions. Often this is accompanied by a strong sense of uncertainty. Others generally adapt well over time, making healthy adjustments along the way. What enables this second group to do so? While developing resilience is a personal journey, here are a few of my personal strategies that I’ve used to enhance my resiliency. I hope they would be helpful to you.

1. Make connections. Building and maintaining caring and supportive relationships within and outside of my family is very important. These relationships must also create love and trust and offer encouragement and reassurance. I’ve noticed especially that when there is family discord, I am easily distracted and struggle to do even the most basic activities. So, spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement helps you know that you are not alone and there are people who care about what you are going through.

2. Accept that change is a part of living. I remember how my body kept changing over the course of my pregnancy; how during the last trimester I hated that I couldn’t touch my toes or tie my shoe laces. Rather than focus on what I couldn’t do, I tried to look forward to that beautiful bundle of joy that would soon arrive. As I write this blog, we are all aging with physical and emotional signs. Certain goals I had like having a son or completing my PhD no longer seem attainable due to adverse circumstances or a lack of opportunity. Accepting that these cannot be changed helped me focus and move toward, for example, my goal of becoming a published author.

3. View your crises as surmountable rather than insurmountable. I can’t tell you how often I have to remind myself that terribly stressful things happen but it’s how I interpret those events and react to them that matters. Last December, about four months after I bought myself a new Ford Escape, my daughter was involved in an accident which totaled the car. This happened at the same time my roof was damaged and “church” felt like a battleground. I was livid for a few hours until some friends reminded me to focus on giving gratitude to God that she was not seriously hurt. I did and I felt much better. Looking beyond my present circumstances made a huge difference in my thought pattern, my emotions, and my outlook.

4. Take decisive actions. This means acting in adverse situations rather than detaching from the problems and wishing they would just go away. Rather than lie and mope about the ‘lost’ car, I called up the body shop to arrange for an assessment and Enterprise for a rental vehicle. I also started checking out the dealerships for a replacement vehicle. This gave me something purposeful to do and moved me closer to my goal of becoming mobile again.

5. Maintain a hopeful outlook and take care of yourself. A positive outlook, something I struggle with a lot, allows me to have positive expectations that things will turn out right after all. It’s quite a battle to visualize my future wants and not worry about my immediate fears so I usually claim the promise found in Philippians 4:19 helps: “My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”, King James Version. I also pay attention to my own needs and feelings; take part in activities I enjoy; exercise (walk) regularly; relax and get the right amount of sleep. I highly recommend some Breyers or Häagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream with almond nuts and a few episodes of the TV game show “Family Feud”, with Steve Harvey to help you through.

6. Stay flexible. Try something new. I think of this as taking action to deal with demands of daily living; getting back into the swing of things while taking time to rest and to get recharged. Doing this often presents wonderful opportunities to try something – a new recipe if you like to cook or bake; a foreign language or sewing class to get you out of a rut and to wake up your brain; taekwondo to learn new self- defense skills; or biking to wake up your body; take a hike and believe it or not …do something you’ve been putting off for a long time This summer, I’ve decided to visit some of the most beautiful parts of Nova Scotia like the Cabot Trail and to go whale watching on Briar Island.

7. Forgive yourself and trust God. If you feel you’ve made a mistake or you didn’t achieve a particular goal, putting additional pressure on yourself is unhelpful. Remember always that no one’s perfect. We win some and we lose some. Instead, be kind to yourself. Recall some of your other achievements and declare “well done’; get a change of scenery; or treat yourself to dinner. Trust in divine power is also critical for the believer, and anyone who chooses to do so. Life can bring hard knocks with it but as Ira Stanphill’s song says “many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand but I know who hold tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.”

By the way, my garden I told you about last month is all planted, but already frost has bitten some of plants. I know. It’s awful. However, that won’t and can’t stop me. I must persevere. You must too.
“Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all” – Ernest Shackleton.