A personal experience I just had sparked this blog. A fellow leader and I had a disagreement about the next steps a committee should take as part of an important process. Instead of taking a position, the leader laid the blame squarely at my door via email notification to the committee. Not only was it communicated that there was in fact a disagreement, but it was also noted that the process would be delayed so that my position would hold. I never asked for this to be done and email communication to everyone would undoubtedly give the impression that I was seeking to control the process.

Have you ever wondered why some individuals blame others for mistakes or some other form of misfortune? I have, and I think it happens because blaming others is a type of defense mechanism – an unconscious process that protects the person shifting the blame from experiencing unpleasant feelings like guilt or shame. In most situations, blaming is a cognitive distortion where an individual assigns guilt or responsibility for how we feel about an unfortunate situation to someone else. The distortion is usually part of a person’s defense mechanism, which involves denying their own inadequacies, and seeing them in others, instead, and calling others out publicly.

When I think about the Bible’s account of fall of humankind recorded in Genesis Chapter 3, I see something similar. Eve is deceived by the serpent and her husband Adam follows her example and distrusts God. When God comes looking for them both, Adam blames the woman for their lost condition, and his wife in turn, blames the serpent who we know was the Devil in disguise. In this case, both people erred but no one was willing to take personal responsibility for their actions. Adam shifted the blame to Eve and she did the same to the serpent.

While blaming may make one person feel better about themselves, it usually places the responsibility for a negative outcome squarely on the shoulders of someone else. “It’s not my fault; it’s yours.” This can happen for several reasons: one person is controlling and that leads them to find fault in others; narcissism where the blame-sharer simply refuses to look for faults or inadequacies in themselves. A third reason is miscommunication.

With regard to my experience given above, I believe it was a way of saving face. Instead of admitting to miscommunication, a misreading or incorrect understanding of the process, it was easier to blame someone else – me. Another reason may be a fragile sense of self-worth; a feeling that admitting a mistake or accepting responsibility for something negative means they are flawed.

The question is “How should I deal with the blame-sharer in this instance?” After getting over the initial shock of the blame-shifter’s actions, I am pondering my next move. Maybe, I will just let this one slide and look for an opportunity later on to chat about it.

Read more

Submission in marriage has been an age-old concept, deeply rooted in the counsel the Apostle Paul gave to couples in Ephesians Chapter 5, verses 22 to 24.

The New International Version renders the passage this way:

Ephesians 5:22–24 — The New International Version (NIV) 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

According to Paul, the wife is supposed to submit to her own husband, which in many cases is a life of oppression and subjugation for many women. With so many patriarchal cultures and societies, many husbands latch on to the submission requirement to ensure male dominance in marriage; control of women, and at times, wanting total obedience as a necessity in matters of sex and romance.

Women, on the other hand, appear to be in two camps. One group points to submission as a means of following the spiritual lead of their husbands, deferring to his opinions and views about financial matters, discipline of their children, and general decision-making within the marriage.

A second group, rebuffs the submission rhetoric. They do not buy into wifely submission solely, claiming that submission should be mutual: husband to wife and wife to husband, depending on the matter at hand. I identify more with the second group, with full recognition that husbands and wives have different and often contrasting perspectives on Biblical submission.

As such, I think we should uncover a workable definition for Biblical submission in marriage. What did Paul mean when he gave His counsel? Whose duty is it to submit: wives only? Both wives and husbands? What does submission look like in 21^st century Christian marriages?

Let’s take a look at these questions in turn.

What is submission?

As a Christian woman who will complete three and a half decades of marriage later in July, I would define submission in a marriage as selfless, non-competitive service, combined with mutual accountability, and respect for one’s spouse. This is a type of Holy Spirit-led submission, and does not in anyway mean that a wife loses her voice in the marriage, becomes a ‘slave’ whose duty is to wait hand and foot on her husband, or who totally give up her will to her husband as a superior, obeying his every word. If this is your experience, what you have does not qualify as a loving marriage but an authoritarian parent-child relationship. Yikes!

What did Paul mean when he gave His counsel? Whose duty is it to submit?

Looking closely at the passage above, we notice that Paul compares the wife’s submission to her husband to her submission to Christ, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. How do we submit to Christ: from a place of force and dominance or from a place of choice? Clearly, the latter. Christ does not trade in the business of force, only willingness, and free will. This tells me that any authoritarian view of submission is neither biblical nor Christlike.

Why? Because Jesus willingly submitted Himself to a cruel death for us at an infinite cost to himself and out of intense love for us. He also gifts us with a down payment of His Holy Spirit who dwells within us. Motivated by God’s love and empowered by the Holy Spirit, we are able to submit to and serve each other. So, husbands who love their wives the way Christ loved the Church, that is more than their own life are more likely to experience submission from their wives.

Every marriage, especially a Christian marriage, should be built on love, and lots of it. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul tells us that “love is patient, kind and does not envy, nor boast. and is not proud, rude or self-seeking.” In the context of a loving relationship, it would not be very difficult to submit using our working definition above.

One crucial principle of Bible study we should remember is taking one Bible verse and creating doctrine and practice out of it. I believe in “here a little, there a little” as I study God’s word. If we use this approach, we would see that Paul not only counsels the Ephesian wives to submit to their own husbands because he is the head of the wife, but he also requires believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21), and he counsels husbands to love their wives as their own bodies. Wow!

This suggests some type of flexibility on the part of loving husbands and wives as they interact with each other in their marriage, and indicates that “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” must also be accompanied with “selfless love, allowing for choice, and respect.

If we go back to Genesis, we would see that God intended that there should be equality in marriage as He gave both Adam and Eve equal responsibility to dress the garden of Eden and keep it, and to multiply and replenish the earth.” Both husband and wife were made in the image of God, and any actions that would mar God’s image in one’s spouse is a poor reflection of God’s character, and has no place in our homes.

Moreover, if submission were actually about a woman losing her volition in matters of sex and romance, Paul wouldn’t state in 1 Corinthians 7:4 that a wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and according to some Bible versions like the Message translation, we see that women have authority over their husband’s bodies in the same way that men have authority over their wife’s body which indicates a sense of mutuality or equalizing which was God’s original plan for married couples.

So, instead of insisting that the change in marital relationships that occurred after sin should hold, wouldn’t it be better if we all uphold the view that Jesus came to restore all things, including God’s original purpose for marriage, and ask God for His power to live this out in our homes? Taking Paul’ marital counsel in its entirety, it is clear that for Christian husbands and vives, Biblical submission in marriage is mutual and not sex-based.

What does submission look like today?

In the 21^st century, the misunderstanding about this Bible passage is palpable. Men continue to hold to the view that husbands are not required to submit, only wives because they are “the head of the wife”. However, the Son of Man came to serve not to be served, and we are all called to be Christ-like and to servant-leaders, to esteem others better than ourselves. The service Christ gave to humanity was given even when we least merited that sacrifice.” Husbands are called to love their wives in this manner.

So, I say, go forth and love on each other; reverence each other as unto Christ, and submission will naturally flow your way.  Remember, however, that submission is a mark of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives as wives and husbands. Only Through the power of the Holy Spirit will we be able to put the needs of our spouses ahead of our own, imitate Christ’s service in our homes, and discover the joy God intended would accompany submission in marriage.

Read more

The month of February, just concluded was Black History month. This year’s celebrations saw many companies continue their quest for diversity, equity and inclusion with a degree of urgency not seen before the death of George Floyd. What is it? How to do it in a sustainable manner? What is the return on investment? Who benefits? 

 A quick check of the literature reveals that this trending topic is largely being defined and considered through a secular lens. In this blog, I explore more closely the concept of inclusivity through a Biblical lens.                                  

Inclusivity is commonly defined as the practice or policy of providing equal access to opportunities and resources for people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized, such as those having physical or intellectual disabilities or belonging to other minority groups.[1]

Is there a theological basis for inclusivity?  Certainly. God demonstrates inclusivity throughout scripture through myriad stories: the rescue of Rahab, a Canaanite, from one of the hated enemy groups of Israel; the redemption of Ruth, a pagan Moabitess, and member of an accursed race; and the saving of the people of Nineveh in spite of Jonah’s unwillingness to warn them about impending destruction.

In the New Testament, Jesus, our Saviour, is born, not in a palace in Jerusalem, but near a cattle trough in the small town of Bethlehem. Angels announced his birth, not to the powerful or rich, but to humble shepherds, who were not even permitted as witnesses in a court of law.

For his inner circle, Jesus chose people who were so diverse they would have struggled to be in the same room together under normal circumstances. There was Peter, impulsive, ambitious, self-assertive, and quick to commit without fully understanding the meaning of Jesus’ words or actions; and James and John, nick-named the “Sons of Thunder” by Jesus because they wanted to burn up a city when the people refused to welcome Jesus;  Simon from the Zealots, a group that fought against Roman rule; and Matthew, who collected taxes on Rome’s behalf.

In a society where the witness of a woman was not admitted in court, Jesus first directly acknowledged his title of Messiah to a Samaritan woman of questionable reputation, who promptly spread the news to her community (John 4:25-42). He was compassionate towards social outcasts. He noticed people that others ignored or rejected. He stopped to hear the cries of those excluded from Jewish society—the blind, the lame, the mentally ill, and lepers. He honoured the despised by eating at their table (Luke19:5).

At his resurrection, he chose to appear to Mary Magdalene first, and asked her to carry the joyful news to the rest of his disciples (John 20:17,18).

We can see from these examples that during his ministry, Jesus was radically inclusive. He didn’t just let people of all kinds tag along, he involved them and moved them from a place where they were of no value, to places of importance.

Though God requires it, and Jesus demonstrated it, being inclusive does not come naturally to human beings. We tend to compete rather than to work together, and we struggle to empathize with people who are not like us.

The Book of Acts clearly shows how difficult this could be. Having witnessed their radical inclusion as believers, Peter still needed both a vision from God and the miraculous outpouring of the Holy Spirit to persuade him that Gentiles were to be included in the family of God, without them needing to become Jews (Acts 10).

There were similar problems in Corinth where divisions ran deep along many lines, including the following of different leaders, divisions over meat offered to idols, and some members being seen as more important than others. The Apostle Paul publicly lectured Peter for eating separately from Gentiles, due to peer pressure from visiting Jews (Galatians 2:11-14).

For many, the requirement to be more inclusive was asking them to change deeply-ingrained habits of a lifetime but Paul, tackles these issues one by one and argues for a united body of believers.  In 1 Corinthians 8:11, he says the church is “one body” and each member is important, “for whom Christ died”.  

Do you find yourself struggling to be generous towards people who are different from you, or who aren’t part of your family or friendship group? Are you guilty of unfair treatment such as name-calling, work discrimination, gender stereo-typing, bullying, and harassment? Is your attention often attracted to popular people, rather than those who are alone or have problems? Are you introverted, and struggle to relate to people who are usually part of a noisy, extroverted group?

Let’s think about how you can be more open to connection with others, and more closely follow Jesus’ example of radical inclusivity. It takes thought, intentionality, practice, and Holy Ghost power.

[1] https://www.google.com/search?q=inclusivity+definition&oq=inclusivity+&aqs=chrome.4.69i57j0i433i512j0i131i433i512j0i512l7.6426j1j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Read more

• It is an innate tendency of nature and of life to manifest, grow, and become more; to produce more, and create more of everything. Scientists say that the Universe is always expanding and growing an endless number of stars and galaxies, and discovery of new sources of energy. This is bountifulness on a cosmic level.
• Bountifulness means abundance. There is abundance everywhere. The Universe is creating new things constantly which means constant growth and expansion. There is no limit to this expansion. In the physical environment, there are always new trees, new plants, animals, and various forms of life. In the production environment, manufacturers produce new cars, carpenters build new houses, and entrepreneurs create new businesses, and jobs. There is an abundance of stuff.
• Abundance can also appear in your personal life. You are living in a world where plenitude of everything is a fact: money, wealth, possessions as most people think, though not for everyone. But abundance also manifests in many other ways. It can manifest as opulence of love, friendship, knowledge, and health – as a great number of opportunities and plenty of fun and food, and good deeds.
• Thinking kinetically, it is also possible to possess plenty of energy, and you can create for yourself an abundance of time to do what you want; to have plenty of spirituality in your life, and there could be an abundance of caution, thinking, doing, or caring.
• Biblically, abundance is frequently mentioned as something God offers to those who trust in Him. Scripture says that God will provide an abundant life to those who “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.” Abundance in this sense means a life full of everything you need to sustain yourself in joy and purpose in Christ.
• There is abundance of everything on this planet. You might not have access to it right now, but I want to encourage you to move forward with confidence. Stop living from a place of lack and walk in the abundance that God has promised.
• Imagine that abundance is already manifesting in some area of your life. Feel it and enjoy the feeling. For the blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it. “For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” Matthew 13:12).

Read more