“Dear Mr. X or Dear Ms. Y: Thank you for your proposal, but we are unable to consider it at this time.”

I am sure that many of you heard ‘no’ at some time in your life. When you are a businessperson and sales attendant, you hear that word a lot. A rejection letter to a job or university applicant is also a ‘no’.  Hearing ‘no’ raises two important questions: How do you deal with ‘no’ and how do you turn ‘no’ into ‘yes’.

From my personal experience, there are many ways of dealing with rejection.  One option is to curl up, sulk and be miserable, thinking about how bad are the world and people. This often leads to massive discouragement and a sense of being beaten down. A second and perhaps more healthy option is to accept it focus on how to turn it into a positive. The issue is how to do this.

In this blog, I want to share with you a few steps to take if you want to change ‘no’ into ‘yes’, if you so choose.

1. Use ‘no’ as a temperature check. This is a way of ascertaining whether ‘no’ is a final answer or the respondent’s way of buying time before making a final decision. I remember the time when I was trying to get a cost reduction on the price for building and servicing this website. The company I sourced was interested but the front desk representative said ‘no’. She was certain that the company would not flex with the published price offer. I knew they were interested in my business so I pressed to speak with the Manager about other options. About 5 minutes into the conversation, the Manager decided to offer me a customized package of services. Today, they are still supporting my website.

Recently, I was able to get my credit card company to adjust their interest rate policy on purchases made after securing a balance transfer. Credit card companies usually charge interest in a manner that is advantageous to the companies. I had done a balanced transfer at a 0% interest rate for 10 months with a card company.  Subsequently, I made a purchase on the card that I knew would attract interest at the regular rate of about 22%.  I enquired how I could pay off the latter purchase without incurring interest payments over the remainder of the balance transfer period. The advice I received was to pay twice the amount of the second purchase because the company applied bill payments on a 50:50 basis. When I realized the distribution applied was more like 90:10, I called the company. After some back and forth and my pressing the issue, they relented and ‘no’ was turned to ‘yes’. They decided to apply the 0% interest rate to the entire purchase to keep me as a client. At times, it is beneficial to do that temperature check. It works.

2. Do some intense self-examination. Whenever you hear ‘no’, it is a good chance to assess whether you are doing anything badly. Sometimes, it is you and not the other party. Your sales pitch may be off, too long or not detailed or focused enough. Maybe, your response was mediocre and not well thought out. You need to find out where you went wrong but do not try to do the self-examination on your own. It is hard to critically asses your own work and identify flaws. Moreover, your process did not yield a desirable outcome the first time. A better way to do your self-examination it is to share what you did with a trusted friend or family member and ask for an honest opinion. At other times, you may ask the naysayer to give you a reason for the decision. This latter approach will allow you to get some constructive criticism, to help you learn from the experience, and to make improvements or outright changes so you can regain confidence and get back out there.

In addition, it is also useful to assess why you got the ‘no’.  Did it stem from?

• Wrong information. Maybe you did not clearly why a ‘yes’ decision clearly was a good decision for the other party. Here, provision of the correct information could change the outcome.
• A wrong circumstance. If the other party is facing obstacles over which they have no control, they cannot say ‘yes’. If you can work together overcome the block, a ‘yes’ may be possible.
• Wrong timing. The other party needs some time to brood over the matter and is stalling. Be patient and check in again. Do a second check in. Maybe the second time will be the charm.

3. Don’t take ‘no’ too seriously. Having the right attitude about a ‘no’ can go a long way to getting to ‘yes’. A negative response is not the end of the road. Instead, it can build resilience and strength of character. I remember may last ‘no’ very clearly as it was done to my face. I simply smiled to myself. I knew the evaluation process was hurried and flawed, and the proposal was not fairly considered. In fact, I fully expect there will be some groveling and back peddling in the near future. I am not taking the first ‘no’ seriously at all. I view it as a precursor to hitting that all-important home run. So, keep trying. Keep getting better. Your next ‘yes’ is on the way.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).